Friday, April 29, 2011

A TEST FOR "OLD KIDS"


Have some fun my sharp-witted friends.
This is a test for us 'old kids'!
The answers are printed below, but don't cheat.

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, "Who was that masked man"? Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left this behind". What did he leave behind?________________.

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.

03 'Get your kicks, __________________.'

04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to ___________________.'

05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'

06
. After the Twist,The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'
07. Nestle's makes the very best . . . . _______________.'

08. Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.

10
. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________. '

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ &_________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to ___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit.. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________________________.



ANSWERS :
01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02.. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent
.
05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, TheFreeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop

Maintaining a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on 
      and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.


4. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ‘For Marijuana’.


5. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many look you get.

6. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.


7. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.


8. Sing Along At The Opera.


9. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party  
because You have a headache.
10. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

11. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, 

          Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

12 . Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 
         'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'




Smile.  It's Called . . . THERAPY

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

STRESS MANAGEMENT


A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it".
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued,
"And that's the way it is with stress management".
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can."

So, my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while. Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep later.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons . . .
Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.
Some have weird names, and all are different colors,
but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today

. . . I did.

The Miracle of a Brother's Song

Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3-year-old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling. They found out that the new baby was going be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sang to his sister in mommy's tummy. He was building a bond of love with his little sister before he even met her. The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen.

In time, the labor pains came. Soon it was every five minutes, every three, every minute. But serious complications arose during delivery and Karen found herself in hours of labor. Would a C-section be required? Finally, after a long struggle, Michael's little sister was born. But she was in very serious condition.

With a siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital, Knoxville, Tennessee. The days inched by. The little girl got worse. The pediatrician had to tell the parents there is very little hope. Be prepared for the worst. Karen and her husband contacted a local cemetery about a burial plot.

They had fixed up a special room in their house for their new baby but now they found themselves having to plan for a funeral. Michael, however, kept begging his parents to let him see his sister. I want to sing to her, he kept saying. Week two in intensive care looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over.

Michael kept nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care. Karen decided to take Michael whether they liked it or not. If he didn't see his sister right then, he may never see her alive. She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU. He looked like a walking laundry basket. The head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed, "Get that kid out of here now. No children are allowed."

THE MOTHER rose up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glared steel-eyed right into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line. "He is not leaving until he sings to his sister" she stated. Then Karen towed Michael to his sister's bedside.

He gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. After a moment, he began to sing. In the pure-hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sang:

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,

you make me happy when skies are gray."

Instantly the baby girl seemed to respond. The pulse rate began to calm down and become steady. "Keep on singing, Michael," encouraged Karen with tears in her eyes.

"You never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away."

As Michael sang to his sister, the baby's ragged, strained breathing became as smooth as a kitten's purr. "Keep on singing, sweetheart."

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping,

I dreamed I held you in my arms".

Michael's little sister began to relax and rest, healing rest, seemed to sweep over her. "Keep on singing, Michael." Tears had now conquered the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glowed.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

Please don't take my sunshine away..."

The next day . . . the very next day . . . the little girl was well enough to go home. Woman's Day Magazine called it, "The Miracle of a Brother's Song". The medical staff just called it a miracle. Karen called it a miracle of God's love.


NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.

LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL.

Life is good.


This baby was born in 1992 and this story started circulating,

I believe, in 2007.

However, I have seen this story reported as both non-fiction and fiction.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Retarded Grandpa

This was reported by a teacher . . . .

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:


We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.


They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.
He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

PRICELESS!!!!!

Friday, April 15, 2011

A Ticket To Remember

Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?

When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand.

Bob? Bob from Church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming ticket. A cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow.

Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform.

"Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this."

"Hello, Jack." No smile.

"Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids."

"Yeah, I guess." Bob seemed uncertain. Good.

"I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit - just this once."

Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct ." Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.

"What'd you clock me at?"

"Seventy. Would you sit back in your car please?"

"Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.

"Please, Jack, in the car"

Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window.

The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad.

Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license?

Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand, Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.

"Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.

Bob returned to his police car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost?

Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke?

Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:

"Dear Jack,

Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters, all three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven before I can ever hug her again.

A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me. And be careful, Jack, my son is all I have left.

Bob

Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious. Handle with care.

Friday, April 8, 2011

The Doll

I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying,
"I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: '
'Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied:
''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly.
"No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this.

"My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said:
"I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me
"I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."

"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy,
"What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?''
"OK" he said "I hope that I have enough."
I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said:
"Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added,
"I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.

The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Angels - Explained by Children

I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold.
Gregory, 5

Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
Olive, 9

It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
Matthew, 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.
Mitchell, 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science.
Henry, 8

Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!
Jack, 6

Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
Daniel, 9

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado.
Reagan, 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter.
Sara, 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.
Jared , 8

All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it.
Antonio, 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
Katelynn, 9

Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.
Vicki, 8

What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them. Sarah, 7

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I've Learned that . . .

A true friend is someone who likes you in spite of you.









A good friend will come bail you out of jail . . .



But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying
"We messed up, but man did we have fun"!




I am proud to be your friend!




I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper . . .

The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes!






I've learned that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.






. . . that money doesn't buy class.








that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular!




. . . that under everyone's hard shell
is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.





. . . that the Lord didn't do it all in one day . . .
What makes me think I can?






. . . that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.






. . . . that the less time I have to work,
the more things I get done.




YOU ARE MY FRIEND -
AND I AM HONORED









YOU ARE MY FRIEND 


AND I AM HONORED.



December 2009

Monday, April 4, 2011

Everyone Wants and Needs It


Excerpt from The Simple Truths of Appreciation


No matter who we are or what our actions may say, we all want to be recognized and appreciated. I often quote Lou Holtz, the famous Notre Dame Coach, who said, “Why is it that the people who need love, (appreciation), and understanding the most usually deserve it the least?”

Jaime Escalante, the teacher on whom the movie Stand and Deliver was based, tells an amazing story about a mistaken identity and the difference it made in a young man’s life.

This teacher had two students in his class who were both named Johnny. One Johnny was an excellent student, a happy child, and always had his homework completed on time. The other Johnny was always in trouble, never had his work finished, and generally made the teacher’s life miserable.

The night of their first PTA Open House of the year a mother stayed after the meeting to ask about her son, Johnny, and how he was getting along in the class. Assuming it was the mother of the “good” Johnny, the teacher replied, “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate him. I am so glad he’s in my class.”

The next day, for the first time all year, the “problem” Johnny had all his work done, he spoke up in class, and never once caused a disruption. He even volunteered to help another student. The teacher was astounded!

At the end of the day when everyone else had left, “problem” Johnny came up to the teacher and said, “My Mom told me what you said about me last night. I haven’t ever had a teacher who wanted me in his class.”

That Johnny became one of the best students the teacher ever had – and all because of a mistaken dose of appreciation!

No matter who we are and what our situation in life is, we all want and need to be appreciated.



Appreciation is a FREE gift that you can give to anyone you encounter – it is completely your choice. And each time you choose to thank someone for a job well done, you are making the world a better place.”                      


- Barbara Glanz

The article above was excerpted from the book "The Simple Truths of Appreciation" by Barbara Glanz. It is reprinted here with permission. You may share this story as long as you do not edit the content; leave the links and this resource box intact. SimpleTruths.com


My Job History

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it . . .
mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life,
but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory - I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,
but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work,
I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So, then I retired . . . and found out I was perfect for the job!

Incredible Magician - Video

video



Here's another email forward I just received (January 2012)
with the French version of this same concept and
it's just fun listening to the French language!

video