The Marine and The Professor

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

One of the courses he had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. 


One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated,

"God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed,

"Here I am God. I'm still waiting." 
 


It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his Chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. 
 The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
 


The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,

"What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied,

"God was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like a donkey’s behind. So, He sent me."

THERE! I Fixed it!

October 2009

The Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy . . .

1. A day without sunshine is like ......... night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . it's more like a jar of jalapenos.

What you do today, might burn you tomorrow.

OOPS! - Video

What a Squirrelly Squirrel!!

A couple touring Canada wanted to take

a romantic picture of themselves

with a self timer were surprised when a

SQUIRREL

popped up and came out on the photo!

That squirrel vacation photo, 

also known as the crasher squirrel, 

has spread across the web like wildfire 

as the photobomb of the century, 

becoming the meme of the week. 

Of course, mainstream media 

has to get a piece, 

so NBC interviewed the squirrel photo couple,

Melissa and Jackson Brandts.

The Minnesota couple, 

who took the squirrel vacation picture in 

Banff National Park in Alberta, 

swear that the squirrel photo is real deal, 

and not a Photoshop job. 

National Geographic

Wikipedia 

August 2009

A Visit to the Poor . . .

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four."

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Just Pencils - Pencil Art

A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 5 IMPORTANT LESSONS:

1. EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK.

2. YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE.

3. WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU.

4. IN LIFE, YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS,
WHICH WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON.

5. TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF
TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.

December 2009

Funny Things That Happen in the Bathroom! - Video

Feminine or Masculine?

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance is feminine "la casa".

"Pencil" however is masculine "el lapiz".

A student asked, "What gender is computer?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to        everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later revival, and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group however, concluded that computers should be masculine (el computador), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data, but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem, and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model!

The women won.

The Seed of Trust

A successful Christian business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you." The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO".

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.

Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by - still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing.

Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick at his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful--in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!" All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the financial director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed- Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive! His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new CEO the others said?

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow. All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive!"

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.

If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.

If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.

If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment.

If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective.

If you plant hard work, you will reap success.

If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.