Romantic Men - Video

January 2011

Breaking The Barrier - Video

January 2012

Doormat With A Difference

January 2011

At the Moment of Each Choice I Stand Alone

 By Evalyn Sandberg

When the crucial moment comes, and only I may choose,

Both God and Satan stand aside, and one of them must lose.

Though each of them may wage campaign until the fateful hour,

When it comes, I'm left alone  - Me - with all the power.

The Duck

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.  He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target.  Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.  As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.

Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it.  He was shocked and grieved!

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the woodpile; only to see his sister watching!  Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.  After lunch the next day Grandma said,  "Sally, let's wash the dishes."  But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen."  Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?"  So Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper."  Sally just smiled and said, "Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help."  She whispered again, "Remember the duck?"  So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's; he finally couldn't stand it any longer.  He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.  Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, "Sweetheart, I know.  You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you.  I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you."

Thought for the day and every day thereafter? 

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... And the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ... whatever it is . . .  You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.  He has seen your whole life.  He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven.

He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of  you.  The Great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness; He not only forgives you, but He forgets.

Prayer at the Opening Session of the Kansas Senate

Thought you might enjoy this interesting prayer given in Kansas at the opening session of their Senate. It seems prayer still upsets some people. When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.

We have abused power and called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.

Amen!"

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea .

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story,"and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "one nation under God."

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything."

Being Thankful

Every day, be thankful for what you have and who you are.

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings. 

Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. 

Thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. 

Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, tempers are short, and my children are so loud. 

Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced. 

Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. 

Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest. Thank you, Lord, for life.

A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift. 

A friend is someone to treasure.

For friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with Beauty, Joy and Grace and makes the world we live in a better and happier place.

YOU ARE MY FRIEND!

God bless you and yours.

 "Be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

Root Causes of the Need To Be Right

This is a really long article . . . but a really good one, too.

The very day my article “What's Wrong With Being Right” was posted on Meridian I had a disagreement with my husband about the age of our cat. (You know, one of those vitally important questions of life!) I was right. I had all the data in my mind to prove that he was wrong, but he wouldn't give in and I wouldn't let it go.

I burst into laughter as I realized what was happening. I was at it again. What difference in all of eternity does it make whether our cat is eight or nine years old? Yet, because I was so certain of my own “data” I was quite adamant about the whole thing and determined to convince Doug I was right.

“What difference does it make?” is a good conflict-defusing question to ask ourselves any time we disagree. The only difference any conflict about mundane things makes is what we make of it. If our core life issues are involved, our biggest fears and threats to our sense of identity or well-being, we can make differences of perceptions or differences in the way we remember things into a mess of anxiety, dumping on each other, even getting angry over conflicts that don't really matter at all.

Why Do We See Things So Differently?

How I interpret everything that happens to me creates a filter or lens that I see everything through. That lens becomes more and more pronounced as time goes on because I tend to look for reinforcement for the ideas and conclusions I have about myself, others, and the world. The more I look for it, the more I find “proof” that things really are the way I have defined them.

Words and actions motivated by my desire to be right always come back to me distorted because I make something of them to feed my conclusions. For example, if I have concluded that no one pays attention to my opinions, I interpret all data that come back to me to validate that conclusion. I discount anything to the contrary so I can keep being right about it. Such thought filters become a self-imposed prison when I gather data to support conclusions that are negative or simply not true.

The Energy Component

Trying to prove myself right in any situation is an energy-sucking competition. Power struggles and conflict drain energy. What makes it worse is that whenever I engage in energy-draining competition to be right I lose points on my IQ — I do and say stupid things because I'm not thinking clearly. Why? Because I have been triggered emotionally.

Suddenly the issue isn't how old the cat is. The issue is not being listened to, not feeling validated, maybe even not feeling loved. My very well-being may feel threatened. I may subconsciously feel that the fight to be right about the age of my cat is really a fight for my right to be me.

Some of the ideas in this article I first heard in a course by Kirt Soderquist. In one class, a married couple I will call Sharon and Don shared the energy-draining spiral they got into about alternative medicine. Because alternative treatments had helped Sharon enormously, she wanted to help and fix her husband by convincing him to walk that same path. Don said he felt resentful, mothered, pressured, cornered, guilty.

He said, “I knew she had my best interests in mind, but I felt compelled to argue against her strong opinions, even if I had no reason not to agree with her. I resented Sharon's need to preach to me about what she felt so strongly about. (She was so sure she was right!) I tried to explain to her that teaching only makes a difference when the other person wants to listen. I resented being talked to about things I didn't want to hear.”

We get emotionally triggered when someone insists we listen to things we aren't ready for or just don't want to hear. Many difficult feelings, such as resentment, may start to build up. No one ever feels more accepted and loved because of a bombardment of words. The words, no matter how true, start to feel like an attack. When a situation triggers an emotional buildup, the intellect shuts down and people tend to get active physically in order to release pent-up physical and emotional energy. Two-year-olds have temper tantrums. We older two-year-olds might yell or scream or pound on a pillow or run out of the house and go work out at the gym.

You Can't Reason with a Drunk

In a love and logic class we were taught the motto, “Never try to reason with a drunk.” A “drunk” child is one caught up in intense emotion. Think of Johnny running in after school, slamming the door and yelling “I hate my teacher!” and Mom saying “Now, Johnny, we should love everyone, and it's probably your own fault if your teacher wasn't nice to you today.”

Is Johnny going to say, “Oh thank you, Mom. That little gem of wisdom suddenly makes me feel so much love for my teacher. I'm so grateful that you brought that to my attention.” Hardly. No matter how “right” his mother is, no matter how true her words may be, they are not ones he can hear when he is full of negative feelings. He is more likely to throw something, turn his anger on the parent, kick the cat, or run out of the house yelling, “Why do you always take the teacher's side without even listening to me?”

Every parent has had the experience of trying to talk a child out of an intense, irrational feeling, with “right” words and found that they were simply throwing fuel on the fire. A child (of any age), when emotionally triggered is simply not able to be rational and certainly not able to learn or change a perception at that moment.

Are adults any different? Some quickly become angry and turn the anger outward to the other person. Others turn the anger inward and withdraw. But we're all irrational when caught up in negative emotion. When my deepest issues and fears are triggered, first I try hard to be right. I loudly defend myself. When that just makes things worse I shut down, shut other people out, feel bad about myself, and beat myself up. I may feel that I've blown it, that I'm flawed. I feel critical of myself and others. I entertain self-doubt — which means I invite it to stay and have a party! Can you imagine the futility of trying to reason me out of any of these feelings by giving me all the rational reasons I “shouldn't” feel that way?

The Fear Component

I've learned that the central core issue of all negative emotional reactions — including an inordinate need to be right — is fear. When I'm fear-motivated I try too hard to look good, and fail. I try too hard to keep everyone happy, and fail. I try to be right and find that being right is the antithesis to having others happy with me — or being happy with myself. When I'm fear motivated I over-do, under-do, re-do, make excuses, feel unnecessary and unhealthy guilt. And of course I'm more conflict-prone and less likely to listen. Slowly, but steadily, I have come to recognize that my fears are always the motivators for my need to be right and to defend my self and my opinions.

What are some common fears? (Notice that many of them are opposite sides of the same coin.)

Fear that I am not measuring up, not okay, not progressing as I should, not applying what I know, not filling my own or others expectations.

Fear of being invisible or ignored; fear of being put on the spot, too much in the spotlight when I'd really rather hide.

Fear of being unloved or unlovable; fear of seeing others as unlovable.

Fear of being real, of appearing flawed, fear of letting myself or others down, fear of not being myself — my best self, of not connecting with myself or others or God, fear that if I let my real self out, it will be rejected.

Fear of being misunderstood, not being known; fear of misunderstanding and not connecting with others.

Fear of being alone, abandoned; fear of chaos and crowds.

Fear of being demeaned, talked down to, not valued; fear of not valuing others enough and causing them hurt.

Fear of not being just right, fear of being helpless, fear of being powerless; fear of being powerful.

Fear of being proved stupid; fear of being gifted.

Fear of making others feel less-than, eclipsed or threatened; fear of feeling eclipsed, less-than or threatened by the gifts or strengths of others.

Fear of not being good enough; fear of being too good — fear of being superior; fear of being inferior.

Fear of not being right, not being validated, not getting what I want.

The Pride Component

Amazingly enough, while the root cause of our need to be right is fear, when we really look deeply, the root cause of all these fears is pride. So many of these fears boil down to a fear that I might have to change my perceptions. President Ezra Taft Benson, in his classic talk “Beware of Pride,” said, “ The proud wish God would agree with them. They aren't interested in changing their opinions to agree with God's.”

The Lord is always knocking on the door of our minds inviting us to see the truth — which so often includes an admission that our previous perceptions were wrong. President Benson's definition of pride broadens our view. He said:

Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves. Most of us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the learned, looking down at the rest of us. (See 2 Ne. 9:42.) There is, however, a far more common ailment among us — and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989, p. 4)

From that I surmise that I can't feel “inferior” unless I somehow desire to feel “superior.”

He continues:

Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion ... Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away ... The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.” (Prov 13:10; see also Prov. 28:25) ( Ibid. )

Can any two people get into contention if neither was intent on “being right?” The adversary keeps us in conflict, makes us think that pridefully proving our rightness is somehow a key to happiness and well-being. He wants to keep us from seeing the truth (which always makes us humble and motivates repentance).

I recall a day in the car a decade or so ago. I had my husband as a captive audience and had decided I needed to convince him how right I was about a few things (and how wrong he was!). Before I began, I decided to pray and ask the Lord to help me. I began praying very hard in my mind, and almost immediately began having strong feelings that the words I had intended to say to my husband were not right.

As I was drawn more deeply into prayer, I was given an awareness of my own contributions to the problems I was thinking to “solve” by calling my husband on the carpet. I ended up feeling a great need to repent of my judgments of him, and to improve my own thoughts, feelings and behaviors. I have to confess I have had the same sort of experience on a recurring basis as the Lord patiently tries to help me overcome my very personal struggles with pride.

Do I ever get into contentions trying to be right when I am full of humility or charity? When I am earnestly concerned for the welfare of others? When I am feeling the Savior's love? Or is it when I am apart from the Spirit, spiritually and emotionally needy, inadvertently choosing fear over faith, pridefully thinking I can orchestrate improvement, push a situation “up” by shifting blame, making someone else wrong, pushing someone else “down.”

President Benson also said, “ Pride is a damning sin in the true sense of that word. It limits or stops progression. (See Alma 12:10-11.) The proud are not easily taught. (See 1 Ne. 15:3, 7-11.) They won't change their minds to accept truths, because to do so implies they have been wrong.” (Ibid)

And there is the clincher. Hanging on to being “right” is prideful in every sense of the word. It keeps us from repentance, it keeps us from seeing the truth, it keeps us from having close relationships, and it keeps us from letting the light of Christ lead us along. Not seeing where we are wrong keeps us from repenting and letting the Atonement cleanse and transform us.

Click Here  to go to the web page this came from.

Rose, The College Student

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'   I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze. 

'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked. 

She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...' 

'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. 

'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.  After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. 

We became instant friends.  Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop.  I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.  She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students.  She was living it up. 

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.  I'll never forget what she taught us.  She was introduced and stepped up to the podium.  As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. 

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery.  I gave up beer for lent and this whiskey is killing me!  I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.' 

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began,  ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. 

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success.  You have to laugh and find humor every day.  You've got to have a dream.  When you lose your dreams, you die.  We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! 

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. 

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old.  If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.  Anybody can grow older.  That doesn't take any talent or ability.  The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. 

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do.  The only people who fear death are those with regrets.

She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'   She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those months ago.  One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.  Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be. 

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE. 

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get.  

We make a Life by what we give. 

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. 

'Good friends are like stars . . . you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.'

One Picture Says It All . . .

No I have not seen your lipstick,
why would you even ask me that?
I'm insulted!
Every time something 

goes missing around here,
everybody looks at me!
For your information,
I don't even wear that shade.
It doesn't flatter my complexion 

and it tastes terrible.
Oooops!

 
July 2010