Friday, January 15, 2016

Maxine At It Again - Fun With Words!!



Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?





If  4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...
does
 that mean that one out of five enjoys it?





 Why do croutons come in airtight packages?  
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?                        

If people from Poland are called Poles,
then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?





If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, 
but a person who drives a 
race car is not called a racist?
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and 
clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow 
that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, 
models deposed,tree surgeons debarked, 
and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'





What hair color do they put on 
the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered 
what do Chinese mothers use, toothpicks?





Why do they put pictures of 
criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? 
Why don't they just put their 
pictures on the postage stamps,
so the mailmen can look for them 
while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear 
until you learn to drive?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?




Whatever happened to Preparations A  through G?
******

Why do we press harder on the remote control
when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient 
funds when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there 
are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, 
but if they tell you there is wet paint 
you have to touch it to check?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,
but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put 
an "s" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color 
bubble bath you use,
the bubbles are always clear?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator 
with hopes that something new to eat 
will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times 
with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, 
pick it up, examine it and then put it down 
to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into 
the enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch 
something that's falling off the table, 
you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm 
as it was in summer when we 
complained about the heat?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your 
e-mail address in the first place?

And A FAVORITE:

The statistics on sanity say 
that one out of every four persons 
is suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.  
If they're OK . . . then it's you! 
~  

REMEMBER, A day without a smile 
is like a day without sunshine!
And a day without sunshine is, like...........night!!!!




Teenagers Rambling On and On . . . Too Funny!!

This is soon incredibly funny - the kid just got his wisdom teeth out - he's still "high"!!




This one came the next year - October, 2014

Beyoncé never showed!


Abandoned Dog - Open Letter To Her Owners


A 12-Year-Old Dog Was Left At Kill Shelter. Her New Owner Has A Message For Those Who Abandoned Her.

 Jamie White wrote an open letter  to the previous owners  of her newly adopted 12-year-old dog named Cocoa. After reading that letter, my jaw dropped and my heart sank.

The pain in my chest was not only because Cocoa’s owners had her for all of her life but than decided they could no longer keep her after moving into a new, no pets allowed apartment. It was also because I adopted my own dog from a kill animal shelter and  there is not a moment that goes by where I don’t wonder why someone would ever abandon her. No dog deserves to spend their life in cages or sleeping on cold concrete floors.

Now at 14, my dog is full of life, full of love, and just like Cocoa, she is completely spoiled. There are too many animal shelters over pouring with amazing dogs, of all ages, who just want a pack to call their own. I am so thankful that Jamie decided to share her story about the beauty that lies in adopting an older dog.

This is Jamie White’s piece in its entirety:
You don’t know me, and for your sake, you’d best hope and pray that you never have the misfortune to meet me.

How do I know who you are? Because the people at Animal Control gave me Cocoa’s intake sheet. You know, the one you filled out. The one that said Cocoa was 12 years old and you’d had her all those years. The one that said you were moving to a pet-free apartment and couldn’t take your faithful companion of 12 years. You know, the one that you said was a “sweet old girl — a wonderful companion.” The one that said you had limited funds.

Here’s the thing. I’m deciding not to print your name here but you know who you are. I could call you a number of other names, none of which you’d like very much. When I saw Cocoa’s picture on the Animal Control website — when I saw that grey muzzle and read the description stating that her people of 12 years, her family, had surrendered her to the pound — it broke my heart.

I once had a dog that was so ornery she got in trouble for biting a kid on the butt because he’d been tugging her ears. When the city quarantined my dog for 48 hours, I was fully prepared to leave my home, leave school, leave everything in the dead of night, everything except my dog. I was going to Thelma and Louise our asses right out of town. I wasn’t playing. Because that’s how I roll. No dog left behind.

So when I saw that picture of Cocoa, I just couldn’t understand why someone would dump a family member. And my empathy for that dog consumed me, until I made yet another rash decision and I rushed to the pound to adopt her.

Act in haste, repent in leisure. That’s my motto.

When I got Cocoa, I had pink eye and a sinus infection. I was so sick, but I went and got her anyway, because I was worried that dog was terrified and that she was going to be euthanized. I was worried she was alone and scared, looking everywhere for her family. I couldn’t stand the thought of it — and she wasn’t even my dog.

It took me two days of antibiotics before I finally realized why Cocoa might have been dumped at the pound. Something tells me Cocoa didn’t become highly incontinent over the course of the week between you dumping her at the pound and me bringing her home.

It took us a few weeks, but we finally got the right dosage of meds to keep the incontinence mostly in check. I was happy, Cocoa was happy, and the house was clean again.

But that didn’t last long. Just a few weeks after I got her, she came down with acute pancreatitis. That meant she needed antibiotics and special food, food that cost me $2.25 per can, and she could easily eat two cans in a day. But that wasn’t even the worst part of that office visit. You probably know what I’m going to say next, right? About the tumors?

They couldn’t be sure whether the tumors were causing the pancreatitis, so we decided the “wait and see” plan was the best course of action.

And I became more and more convinced that you had abandoned your family member because you knew she was sick. You knew she had cancer, and you couldn’t afford to treat her or to help her. What upset me so much is that you couldn’t be bothered to drive the extra 20 minutes to take her to the Humane Society, a no-kill shelter. Or to even take her to your own vet and have her humanely euthanized with you there to comfort her.

So every few weeks I had to go buy expensive food for Cocoa, the family member you dumped at the pound. The dog that you abandoned. And every few weeks I would buy her “old lady pee pills.” I found that XL toddler pull-ups worked the best, once I cut a hole in the back for her tail.

And we waited.

In the meantime, Cocoa went to the mountains. She fell over the side of a small mountain, she saw deer. She had so much fun. She would get frisky and try to play with my other dogs right after they ate. It happened every night. She was so cute. My boys loved her and accepted her, like they accept every sad story that comes home with me. They would even let her have the hammock bed every night if she wanted it.

On Sunday mornings I would sometimes let all the dogs come climb into bed with me for a while. Cocoa really liked those mornings. She liked to be included. Sometimes I’d have all three dogs and two cats up there. She loved it.

But all the while, those tumors were still there. And surgery wasn’t an option.

This week Cocoa’s belly started swelling. I kept waiting for it to subside but it didn’t. Yesterday we went in for X-rays and found that the masses were too big, her belly too full of fluid to even see her organs. We could try diuretics to remove the fluid, but that was just a Band-Aid. This wasn’t going away. And I didn’t want Cocoa’s last days to be filled with consternation over having accidents in the house again. You see, that’s the difference between us. I worried about how Cocoa felt. I could look in her eyes and see the stress when she had accidents.

So we didn’t do the meds. I brought her home and figured I’d give her a few last good weeks. I would spoil her and make her feel like the Grand Dame she was.

But it didn’t turn out that way. Turns out today was Cocoa’s last day.

Here’s the thing, though. Instead of dying on a cold floor in a cold building with people who may or may not give a damn how her end happened, she died in my arms. I held your dog’s head in my arms and I whispered in her ear while she slipped away. I told her what a pretty girl she was. I told her how much I loved her as I stroked that spot just above her eye.

I made sure she knew she was loved. I made sure that my face was the last face she saw, that my voice was the last voice she heard.

You might wonder why I’m telling you all this. You might wonder if I just wanted you to know that Cocoa was okay.

I’d like to disabuse you of that notion. I’m writing this letter to let you know just what a piece of shi*t I think you are. If you ever do read this letter, know that I, along with my many animal-loving friends all over this world, think you are the lowest of the low. You don’t take a 12-year-old dog, a “sweet old girl — a wonderful companion,” and dump her at a high-kill shelter. You didn’t even give her a good chance.

She got lucky the day that I saw her picture because let me tell you, my animals want for nothing.

And to all the people reading this who “knew” Cocoa Loco, all of her friends around the world, here’s where the story ends.

Fell Into The Bonfire!!


You never heard it this way . . . !!!!

Home Free - Ring of Fire 
(featuring Avi Kaplan of Pentatonic
NO INSTRUMENTS!!
REALLY!!!



TOO MUCH FUN AND AMAZING!!

I WANT ONE!!!!

This video was made by doing ONE take!

OK Go - I Won't Let You Down - Official Video


Baseball Great Moe Berg? (UNCLASSIFIED)

Catcher Moe Berg

When baseball greats Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig went on tour in baseball-crazy Japan in 1934, some fans wondered why a third-string catcher named Moe Berg was included.  Although he played with 5 major league teams from 1923 to 1939, he was a very mediocre ball player. He was regarded as the brainiest ballplayer of all time.  In fact, Casey Stengel once said:  "That is the strangest man ever to play baseball."  When all the baseball stars went to Japan, Moe Berg went with them and many people wondered why he went with "the team" -  Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth.

The answer was simple: Moe Berg was a United States spy working undercover with the CIA.   Moe spoke 15 languages - including Japanese - Moe Berg had two loves: baseball and spying.   In Tokyo, garbed in a kimono, Berg took flowers to the daughter of an American diplomat being treated in St. Luke's Hospital – the tallest building in the Japanese capital.    He never delivered the flowers.  The ball-player ascended to the hospital roof and filmed key features: the harbor, military installations, railway yards, etc.

Eight years later, General Jimmy Doolittle studied Berg's films in planning his spectacular raid on Tokyo ..

Berg's father, Bernard Berg, a pharmacist in Newark, New Jersey, taught his son Hebrew and Yiddish.  Moe, against his wishes, began playing baseball on the street at age four.  His father disapproved and never once watched his son play.  In Barringer High School, Moe learned Latin, Greek and French.  Moe read at least 10 newspapers every day.   He graduated magna cum laude from Princeton - having added Spanish, Italian, German and Sanskrit to his linguistic quiver.  During further studies at the Sorbonne, in Paris, and Columbia Law School , he picked up Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Indian, Arabic, Portuguese and Hungarian - 15 languages in all, plus some regional dialect.  While playing baseball for Princeton University, Moe Berg would describe plays in Latin or Sanskrit.

During World War II, he was parachuted into Yugoslavia to assess the value to the war effort of the two groups of partisans there.  He reported back that Marshall Tito's forces were widely supported by the people and Winston Churchill ordered all-out support for the Yugoslav underground fighter, rather than Mihajlovic's Serbians.  The parachute jump at age 41 undoubtedly was a challenge. But there was more to come in that same year.  Berg penetrated German-held Norway, met with members of the underground and located a secret heavy water plant - part of the Nazis' effort to build an atomic bomb.   His information guided the Royal Air Force in a bombing raid to destroy the plant.  The R.A.F. destroyed the Norwegian heavy water plant targeted by Moe Berg.

There still remained the question of how far had the Nazis progressed in the race to build the first Atomic bomb.  If the Nazis were successful, they would win the war.  Berg (under the code name "Remus") was sent to Switzerland to hear leading German physicist Werner Heisenberg, a Nobel Laureate, lecture and determine if the Nazis were close to building an A-bomb.  Moe managed to slip past the SS guards at the auditorium, posing as a Swiss graduate student.  The spy carried in his pocket a pistol and a cyanide pill.   If the German indicated the Nazis were close to building a weapon, Berg was to shoot him - and then swallow the cyanide pill.  Moe, sitting in the front row, determined that the Germans were nowhere near their goal, so he complimented Heisenberg on his speech and walked him back to his hotel.

Moe Berg's report was distributed to Britain's Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, President Franklin D. Roosevelt and key figures in
the team developing the Atomic Bomb. Roosevelt responded: "Give my regards to the catcher."
 Most of Germany's leading physicists had been Jewish and had fled the Nazis mainly to Britain and the United States .  After the war, Moe Berg was awarded the Medal of Freedom -America's highest honor for a civilian in wartime.  But Berg refused to accept, as he couldn't tell people about his exploits.   After his death, his sister accepted the Medal and it hangs in the Baseball Hall of Fame, in Cooperstown ,

Presidential Medal of Freedom (the highest award to be awarded to civilians during wartime)  Moe Berg's baseball card is the only card on display at the CIA Headquarters in Washington DC.

A Texas Goodbye

This is a bit of history information and for all those Texans out there, you’re the best
QUITE A STORY

From a friend in Texas :

Patriotism, Texas and Chris Kyle:
I just wanted to share with you all that out of a horrible tragedy we were blessed by so many people. Chris was Derek's teammate through 10 years of training and battle. They both suffer/suffered from PTSD to some extent and took great care of each other because of it. 2006 in Ramadi was horrible for young men that never had any more aggressive physical contact with another human than on a Texas football field. They lost many friends. Chris became the armed services number #1 sniper of all time. Not something he was happy about, other than the fact that in so doing, he saved a lot of American lives.

Three years ago, his wife Taya asked him to leave the SEAL teams as he had a huge bounty on his head by Al Qaeda. He did and wrote the book "The American Sniper." 100% of the proceeds from the book went to two of the SEAL families who had lost their sons in Iraq . That was the guy Chris was. He formed a company in Dallas to train military, police and I think firemen as far as protecting themselves in difficult situations. He also formed a foundation to work with military people suffering from PTSD. Chris was a giver not a taker.

He along with a friend and neighbor, Chad Littlefield, were murdered trying to help a young man that had served six months in Iraq and claiming to have PTSD.

Now I need to tell you about all of the blessings. Southwest Airlines flew in any SEAL and their family from any airport they flew into free of charge. The employees donated buddy passes and one lady worked for four days without much of a break to see that it happened. Volunteers were at both airports in Dallas to drive them to the hotel. The Marriott Hotel reduced their rates to $45 a night and cleared the hotel for only SEALs and family. TheMidlothian, TX. Police Department paid the $45 a night for each room. I would guess there were about 200 people staying at the hotel … 100 of them SEALs. Two large buses were chartered (an unknown donor paid the bill) to transport people to the different events and they also had a few rental cars (donated). The police and secret service were on duty 24 hours during the stay at our hotel.

At the house the Texas DPS parked a large motor home in front to block the view from reporters. It remained there the entire five days for the SEALs to congregate in and all to use the restroom so as not to have to go in the house. Taya, their two small children and both sets of parents were staying in the home. Only a hand full of SEALs went into the home as they had different duties and meetings were held sometimes on a hourly basis. It was a huge coordination of many different events and security. Derek was assigned to be a pall bearer, to escort Chris' body when it was transferred from Midlothian Funeral Home to Arlington Funeral Home and to be with Taya. A tough job. Taya seldom came out of her bedroom. The home was full with people from the church and other family members that would come each day to help. I spent one morning in a bedroom with Chris' mom and the next morning with Chad Littlefield's parents (the other man murdered with Chris). A tough job.

Nolan Ryan sent his cooking team, a huge grill and lots of steaks, chicken and hamburgers. They set up in the front yard and fed people all day long including the 200 SEALs and their families. The next day a local BBQ restaurant set up a buffet in front of the house and fed all once again. Food was plentiful and all were taken care of. The family’s church kept those inside the house well fed.

Jerry Jones, the man everyone loves to hate, was a rock star. He donated use of Cowboy Stadium for the services as it was determined that so many wanted to attend. The charter buses transported us to the stadium on Monday at 10:30 am. Every car, bus, motorcycle was searched with bomb dogs and police. I am not sure if kooks were making threats trying to make a name for themselves or if so many SEALs in one place was a security risk… I don't know. We willing obliged. No purses into the stadium! We were taken to The Legends room high up and a large buffet was available. That was for about 300 people. We were growing.

A Medal of Honor recipient was there, lots of secret service and police and Sarah Palin and her husband. She looked nice, this was a very formal military service. The service started at 1:00pm and when we were escorted onto the field I was shocked. We heard that about 10,000 people had come to attend also. They were seated in the stadium seats behind us. It was a beautiful and emotional service. Bagpipe and drum corps were wonderful and the A&M men’s choir stood through the entire service and sang right at the end. We were all in tears.

The next day was the 200-mile procession from Midlothian, TX. to Austin for burial. It was a cold, drizzly, windy day, but the people were out. We had dozens of police motorcycle riders, freedom riders, five chartered buses and lots of cars. You had to have a pass to be in the procession and still it was huge. Two helicopters circled the procession with snipers sitting out the side door for protection. It was the longest funeral procession ever in the state of Texas. People were everywhere. The entire route was shut down ahead of us … the people were lined up on the side of the road the entire way. Firemen down on one knee, police officers holding their hats over their hearts, children waving flags, veterans saluting as we went by… Every bridge had fire trucks with large flags displayed from their tall ladders … people all along the entire 200 miles standing in the cold weather. It was so heartwarming. Taya rode in the hearse with Chris' body so Derek rode the route with us. I was so grateful to have that time with him.

 The service was at Texas National Cemetery. Very few are buried there and you have to apply to get in. It is like people from Civil War, Medal of Honor winners a few from the Alamo and all the historical people of Texas . It was a nice service and the Freedom Riders surrounded the outside of the entire cemetery to keep the crazy church people from Kansas that protests at military funerals away from us. Each SEAL put his Trident (metal SEAL badge) on the top of Chris' casket one at a time. A lot hit it in with one blow. Derek was the only one to take four taps to put his in and it was almost like he was caressing it as he did it. Another tearful moment.
After the service the governor's wife, Anita Perry, invited us to the governor's mansion. She stood at the door and greeted each of us individually and gave each of the SEALs a coin of Texas (she was a sincere, compassionate, and gracious hostess). We were able to tour the ground floor and then went into the garden for beverages and BBQ. So many of the team guys said that after they get out they are moving to Texas. They remarked that they had never felt so much love and hospitality. The charter buses then took the guys to the airport to catch their returning flights. Derek just now called and after a 20 hours flight he is back in his spot, in a dangerous land on the other side of the world, protecting America.

We just wanted to share with the events of a quite an emotional, but blessed week.

And to this day, the president in the White House has never acknowledged Chris Kyle.
Click on link for comments left from this story -
http://twitchy.com/2013/02/11/beautiful-thousands-gather-at-cowboys-stadium-to-remember-slain-hero-chris-kyle-photos-video/

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."
Thomas Jefferson

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the  labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
Thomas Jefferson

10 Corporations Control Almost Everything You Buy

— This Chart Shows How

Ten mega corporations control the output of almost everything you buy; from household products to pet food to jeans.

According to this chart via
 Reddit, called "The Illusion of Choice," these corporations create a chain that begins at one of 10 super companies. You've heard of the biggest names, but it's amazing to see what these giants own or influence.

(No
te: The chart shows a mix of networks. Parent companies may own, own shares of, or may simply partner with their branch networks. For example, Coca-Cola does not own Monster, but distributes the energy drink. Another note: We are not sure how up-to-date the chart is. For example, it has not been updated to reflect P&G's sale of Pringles to Kellogg's in February.)

Here are just a few examples: Yum Brands owns KFC and Taco Bell. The company was a spin-off of Pepsi. All Yum Brands restaurants sell only Pepsi products because of a special partnership with the soda-maker.

$84 billion-company Proctor & Gamble — the largest advertiser in the U.S. — is paired with a number of diverse brands that produce everything from medicine to toothpaste to high-end fashion. All tallied, P&G reportedly serves a whopping 4.8 billion people around the world through this network.

$200 billion-corporation Nestle — famous for chocolate, but which is the biggest food company in the world — owns nearly 8,000 different brands worldwide, and takes stake in or is partnered with a swath of others. Included in this network is shampoo company L'Oreal, baby food giant Gerber, clothing brand Diesel, and pet food makers Purina and Friskies.

Unilever, of soap fame, reportedly serves 2 billion people around the world, controlling a network that produces everything from Q-tips to Skippy peanut butter.

And it's not just the products you buy and consume, either. In recent decades, the very news and information that you get has bundled together: 90% of the media is now controlled by just six companies, down from 50 in 1983, according to a Frugal Dad infographic from last year.







5 Signs You'll Get Cancer

I tried to find this on youtube, but couldn't.  Sorry!  Click on the link below to see the video:

These 5 Things Activate Cancer In Your Body -
World Renowned Doctors Reveal -
http://w3.newsmax.com/newsletters/brownstein/video_cancer.cfm?p=n&promo_code=127E1-1&utm_source=taboola

God's Pharmacy!!

It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made  dry land, planted a garden, made animals and  fish...All before making a human. 

He made and provided what we'd need before we were born.
These are best & more powerful when eaten raw.
We're such slow learners...God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body! 

God's Pharmacy!  Amazing! 


A  sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye.  And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and  function of the eyes. 



A Tomato has four chambers  and is red. The heart has four chambers and  is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart  and blood food. 



Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape  looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food. 



A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper  cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function. 


Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they  look exactly like the human  kidneys. 



Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb  and many more look just like bones. These foods  specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23%  sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you  don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body  pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak.  These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the  body. 



Avocadoes, Eggplant and  Pears target the health and function of the womb  and cervix of the female - they look just like  these organs. Today's research shows that when a  woman eats one avocado a week, it balances  hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and  prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is  this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow  an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There  are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents  of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern  science has only studied and named about 141 of  them).



Figs are full of seeds and  hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers  of Sperm as well to overcome male  sterility.



Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics. 


Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries 




Oranges , Grapefruits, and  other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary  glands of the female and actually assist the  health of the breasts and the movement of lymph  in and out of the breasts. 



Onions look like the  body's cells. Today's research shows onions help  clear waste materials from all of the body  cells. They even produce tears which wash the  epithelial layers of the eyes. A working  companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste  materials and dangerous free radicals from the  body.




 I Try To Live My Life  Everyday 
in Such A Way that when 
MY Feet Hit the Floor 
in the Morning Satan Shudders.. 
and Says "Uh Oh... She's   Awake!!!"