Friday, January 15, 2016

Maxine At It Again - Fun With Words!!

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

If  4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...
 that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

 Why do croutons come in airtight packages?  
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?                        

If people from Poland are called Poles,
then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, 
but a person who drives a 
race car is not called a racist?
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and 
clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow 
that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, 
models deposed,tree surgeons debarked, 
and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

What hair color do they put on 
the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered 
what do Chinese mothers use, toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of 
criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? 
Why don't they just put their 
pictures on the postage stamps,
so the mailmen can look for them 
while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear 
until you learn to drive?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A  through G?

Why do we press harder on the remote control
when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient 
funds when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there 
are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, 
but if they tell you there is wet paint 
you have to touch it to check?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,
but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put 
an "s" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color 
bubble bath you use,
the bubbles are always clear?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator 
with hopes that something new to eat 
will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times 
with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, 
pick it up, examine it and then put it down 
to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into 
the enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch 
something that's falling off the table, 
you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm 
as it was in summer when we 
complained about the heat?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your 
e-mail address in the first place?


The statistics on sanity say 
that one out of every four persons 
is suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.  
If they're OK . . . then it's you! 

REMEMBER, A day without a smile 
is like a day without sunshine!
And a day without sunshine is, like...........night!!!!

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