How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented....I forgot where I was going with this.
I love being over 50. I learn something new every day.......and forget 5 others.
A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like: I KNOW! Right?
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
PS: Sunday, March 13, 2016 has begun Daylight Savings Time. Don't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds.