THE STELLA AWARDS ARE TRUE -

THE STELLA AWARDS ARE TRUE -
You can even buy a book with stories about these frivolous cases.
Weather or not the ones listed below are true or not, I do not know!

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'!

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in Albuquerque, New Mexico , where she purchased coffee.

You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for this past year --

* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.


* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.



*FOURTH PLACE*
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.



* THIRD PLACE * 
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?



*SECOND PLACE*
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.



* FIRST PLACE *
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner is:

Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home. 

Only A Man

This is too funny!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. 
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: 

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY COW. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: 
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.


I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!! 

Funny!!

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies,
“I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.

The officer then asks,
“Really?  Who is giving that kind of lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

This Will Blow Your Mind!!!

Anonymous Letter

This is another email forward that will blow your mind.  I’ve had it for quite some time because it’s long and I didn’t want to spend the time reading it.  But I was blown away!  So will you.  Satan at his worst.

This has to do with a very corrupt music industry – it’s all bout the money . . . but this scheme destroys lives to line those pockets.  Simply hard to believe.  

Hello,

After more than 20 years, I’ve finally decided to tell the world what I witnessed in 1991, which I believe was one of the biggest turning point in popular music, and ultimately American society. I have struggled for a long time weighing the pros and cons of making this story public as I was reluctant to implicate the individuals who were present that day. So I’ve simply decided to leave out names and all the details that may risk my personal well being and that of those who were, like me, dragged into something they weren’t ready for.

Between the late 80′s and early 90’s, I was what you may call a “decision maker” with one of the more established company in the music industry. I came from Europe in the early 80’s and quickly established myself in the business. The industry was different back then. Since technology and media weren’t accessible to people like they are today, the industry had more control over the public and had the means to influence them anyway it wanted. This may explain why in early 1991, I was invited to attend a closed door meeting with a small group of music business insiders to discuss rap music’s new direction. Little did I know that we would be asked to participate in one of the most unethical and destructive business practice I’ve ever seen.

The meeting was held at a private residence on the outskirts of Los Angeles. I remember about 25 to 30 people being there, most of them familiar faces. Speaking to those I knew, we joked about the theme of the meeting as many of us did not care for rap music and failed to see the purpose of being invited to a private gathering to discuss its future. Among the attendees was a small group of unfamiliar faces who stayed to themselves and made no attempt to socialize beyond their circle. Based on their behavior and formal appearances, they didn’t seem to be in our industry. Our casual chatter was interrupted when we were asked to sign a confidentiality agreement preventing us from publicly discussing the information presented during the meeting. Needless to say, this intrigued and in some cases disturbed many of us. The agreement was only a page long but very clear on the matter and consequences which stated that violating the terms would result in job termination. We asked several people what this meeting was about and the reason for such secrecy but couldn’t find anyone who had answers for us. A few people refused to sign and walked out. No one stopped them. I was tempted to follow but curiosity got the best of me. A man who was part of the “unfamiliar” group collected the agreements from us.

Quickly after the meeting began, one of my industry colleagues (who shall remain nameless like everyone else) thanked us for attending. He then gave the floor to a man who only introduced himself by first name and gave no further details about his personal background. I think he was the owner of the residence but it was never confirmed. He briefly praised all of us for the success we had achieved in our industry and congratulated us for being selected as part of this small group of “decision makers”. At this point I begin to feel slightly uncomfortable at the strangeness of this gathering. The subject quickly changed as the speaker went on to tell us that the respective companies we represented had invested in a very profitable industry which could become even more rewarding with our active involvement. He explained that the companies we work for had invested millions into the building of privately owned prisons and that our positions of influence in the music industry would actually impact the profitability of these investments. I remember many of us in the group immediately looking at each other in confusion. At the time, I didn’t know what a private prison was but I wasn’t the only one. Sure enough, someone asked what these prisons were and what any of this had to do with us. We were told that these prisons were built by privately owned companies who received funding from the government based on the number of inmates. The more inmates, the more money the government would pay these prisons. It was also made clear to us that since these prisons are privately owned, as they become publicly traded, we’d be able to buy shares. Most of us were taken back by this. Again, a couple of people asked what this had to do with us. At this point, my industry colleague who had first opened the meeting took the floor again and answered our questions. He told us that since our employers had become silent investors in this prison business, it was now in their interest to make sure that these prisons remained filled. Our job would be to help make this happen by marketing music which promotes criminal behavior, rap being the music of choice. He assured us that this would be a great situation for us because rap music was becoming an increasingly profitable market for our companies, and as employee, we’d also be able to buy personal stocks in these prisons. Immediately, silence came over the room. You could have heard a pin drop. I remember looking around to make sure I wasn’t dreaming and saw half of the people with dropped jaws. My daze was interrupted when someone shouted, “Is this a joke?” At this point things became chaotic. Two of the men who were part of the “unfamiliar” group grabbed the man who shouted out and attempted to remove him from the house. A few of us, myself included, tried to intervene. One of them pulled out a gun and we all backed off. They separated us from the crowd and all four of us were escorted outside. My industry colleague who had opened the meeting earlier hurried out to meet us and reminded us that we had signed agreement and would suffer the consequences of speaking about this publicly or even with those who attended the meeting. I asked him why he was involved with something this corrupt and he replied that it was bigger than the music business and nothing we’d want to challenge without risking consequences. We all protested and as he walked back into the house I remember word for word the last thing he said, “It’s out of my hands now. Remember you signed an agreement.” He then closed the door behind him. The men rushed us to our cars and actually watched until we drove off.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A million things were going through my mind as I drove away and I eventually decided to pull over and park on a side street in order to collect my thoughts. I replayed everything in my mind repeatedly and it all seemed very surreal to me. I was angry with myself for not having taken a more active role in questioning what had been presented to us. I'd like to believe the shock of it all is what suspended my better nature. After what seemed like an eternity, I was able to calm myself enough to make it home. I didn't talk or call anyone that night. The next day back at the office, I was visibly out of it but blamed it on being under the weather. No one else in my department had been invited to the meeting and I felt a sense of guilt for not being able to share what I had witnessed. I thought about contacting the 3 others who wear kicked out of the house but I didn't remember their names and thought that tracking them down would probably bring unwanted attention. I considered speaking out publicly at the risk of losing my job but I realized I’d probably be jeopardizing more than my job and I wasn't willing to risk anything happening to my family. I thought about those men with guns and wondered who they were? I had been told that this was bigger than the music business and all I could do was let my imagination run free. There were no answers and no one to talk to. I tried to do a little bit of research on private prisons but didn’t uncover anything about the music business’ involvement. However, the information I did find confirmed how dangerous this prison business really was. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. Eventually, it was as if the meeting had never taken place. It all seemed surreal. I became more reclusive and stopped going to any industry events unless professionally obligated to do so. On two occasions, I found myself attending the same function as my former colleague. Both times, our eyes met but nothing more was exchanged.

As the months passed, rap music had definitely changed direction. I was never a fan of it but even I could tell the difference. Rap acts that talked about politics or harmless fun were quickly fading away as gangster rap started dominating the airwaves. Only a few months had passed since the meeting but I suspect that the ideas presented that day had been successfully implemented. It was as if the order has been given to all major label executives. The music was climbing the charts and most companies when more than happy to capitalize on it. Each one was churning out their very own gangster rap acts on an assembly line. Everyone bought into it, consumers included. Violence and drug use became a central theme in most rap music. I spoke to a few of my peers in the industry to get their opinions on the new trend but was told repeatedly that it was all about supply and demand. Sadly many of them even expressed that the music reinforced their prejudice of minorities.

I officially quit the music business in 1993 but my heart had already left months before. I broke ties with the majority of my peers and removed myself from this thing I had once loved. I took some time off, returned to Europe for a few years, settled out of state, and lived a “quiet” life away from the world of entertainment. As the years passed, I managed to keep my secret, fearful of sharing it with the wrong person but also a little ashamed of not having had the balls to blow the whistle. But as rap got worse, my guilt grew. Fortunately, in the late 90’s, having the internet as a resource which wasn't at my disposal in the early days made it easier for me to investigate what is now labeled the prison industrial complex. Now that I have a greater understanding of how private prisons operate, things make much more sense than they ever have. I see how the criminalization of rap music played a big part in promoting racial stereotypes and misguided so many impressionable young minds into adopting these glorified criminal behaviors which often lead to incarceration. Twenty years of guilt is a heavy load to carry but the least I can do now is to share my story, hoping that fans of rap music realize how they’ve been used for the past 2 decades. Although I plan on remaining anonymous for obvious reasons, my goal now is to get this information out to as many people as possible. Please help me spread the word. Hopefully, others who attended the meeting back in 1991 will be inspired by this and tell their own stories. Most importantly, if only one life has been touched by my story, I pray it makes the weight of my guilt a little more tolerable.
Thank you.

Test For Smart People

This is a quiz for people who know everything!

I found out in a hurry that I didn't.
These are not trick questions.
They are straight questions with straight answers.


 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants
know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several
growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What
are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside
the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it
hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and
they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least
half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned,
processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the
letter 'S.'






Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know
the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls .. The
rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the
millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several
growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the
bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are
wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire
growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon,
semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,
quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed,
cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes,
socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

1/22/2012

A Message From A Friend

You are in your car driving home. Thoughts wander to the game you want to see or meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike any you've ever heard fills the air.

The sound is high above you.

A trumpet?

A choir?

A choir of trumpets?

You don't know, but you want to know....

So you pull over, get out of your car, and look up. As you do, you see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a parking lot. Car doors are open, and people are staring at the sky.

Shoppers are racing out of the grocery store. The Little League baseball game across the street has come to a halt. Players and parents are searching the clouds And what they see, and what you see, has never before been seen.

As if the sky were a curtain, the drapes of the atmosphere part . . . A brilliant light spills onto the earth . . . There are no shadows... None.

From every hue ever seen and a million more never seen.  Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels. They pass through the curtains one myriad at a time, until they occupy every square inch of the sky.

North – South – East - West.

Thousands of silvery white fabric rise and fall in unison, and over the sound of the trumpets, you can hear the angels chanting,
"Holy, Holy, Holy..." The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four silver-bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in worship.

Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet. The angels turn, you turn, the entire world turns and there He is.... Jesus.

Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the King. He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing cloud. He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration:

"I am the Alpha and the Omega."

The angels bow their heads... The elders remove their crowns...

And before you is a Figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know: Nothing else matters... Forget stock markets and school reports: Sales meetings and football games.. Nothing is newsworthy..  All that mattered, matters no more.. For Christ has come.

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me, and he asked: "My child, what is your greatest wish for today?"

I responded: 'Lord please; take care of my family, my friends, the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love them very much.'

The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but not its end.

ANGELS EXIST, but sometimes, since they don't have wings we call them FRIENDS, SUCH AS YOU.

Bill Cosby, "I'm 76 and I'm Tired"

I'm 76. Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National
Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some some serious
health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly
40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my
income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as
though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired. 

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who
don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take
the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy
to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I
can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and
daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight
offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't
"believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning
teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the
genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and
Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let
Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques
and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand,
UK, America and Canada, while no one from these countries are allowed to
fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other
Arab country to teach love and tolerance.

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global
warming, which no one is allowed to debate.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help
support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ
rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all
parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful
mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting
caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and
actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination
or big-whatever for their problems.

I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and early 20's be-deck themselves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making
themselves un-employable and claiming money from the Government.

Yes, I'm darn tired. But I'm also glad to be 76. Because, mostly, I'm not
going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for
my granddaughter and her children. Thank goodness I'm on the way out and not
on the way in.

Heaven and Hell

A Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said,
'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.

The Lord led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
  
In the middle of the room was a large round table.

In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew,  
which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.

They appeared to be famished.

They were holding spoons with very long handles
that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible
to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.

But because the handle was longer than their arms,
they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
  
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said,
'You have seen Hell.
They went to the next room and opened the door.
It was exactly the same as the first one.

There was the large round table with the large pot of
stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
 
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons,
but here the people were well nourished and plump,    
laughing and talking.



The holy man said, 'I don't understand.  

'It is simple,' said the Lord.  'It requires but one skill...
 
You see, they have learned to feed each other.
  
The greedy think only of themselves.'
 
When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you.

   Remember -
I will always share my spoon with you.
   
Live Simply
Love Generously
Speak Kindly
Leave the rest to God... 


   January 2012

The Philosophy of Ambiguity

Profound philosophy that keeps woodpeckers awake at night!!


1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES,
   WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS
    BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN,
    "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?"
    SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS,
    DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED
      ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?
      ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL,
      IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL
      HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE
      ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS:
      THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS,
      DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO,
      WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33.  IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES,
      DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?




12/3/2011

IN MEMORY . . . . .

 These are the colors that represent 

the different cancers.  

In memory of anyone you know 

that has been struck by cancer.

A Candle Loses Nothing 

by Lighting Another Candle..

We Are Not Human Beings Going
Through a Temporary Spiritual Experience;
We Are Spiritual Beings Going
Through a Temporary Human Experience! 

October 2010

Have You Ever Read A Story With No Words?

A veteran is someone who has written a blank check payable to 

"The United States of American for an amount "up to and including my life."  

That is honor.

November 2012

Proof Of Heaven

There are many books written of life after death.  This one is extraordinary cause it was written by a scientist, who is a doctor.  You will enjoy this.  I found it a very good read.

'Proof of Heaven' documents existence of afterlife, multiverse, intelligent life beyond Earth, multidimensional realities. 

(NaturalNews) There's a secret that's much bigger than politics, health freedom, science or even the entire history of the human race. That secret remains entirely unacknowledged -- even condemned -- by the scientific community, and yet it is the single most important secret about everything that is. Yes, everything.

That secret is simply this: We all survive the physical death of our bodies. Our consciousness lives on, and upon our death in this Earthly dream, our consciousness transcends this physical reality and experiences an existence so amazing and powerful that the human language cannot even begin to describe it.

This is the message from Dr. Eben Alexander, author of the newly-published book, Proof of Heaven I recently read the book and found it both fascinating and also confirming of several important theories I've been developing about the nature of life and the Creator. (See below.)

A lifelong science skeptic who never believed in God, Heaven or consciousness!
Long before this book was ever written, Dr. Alexander was a practicing neurosurgeon and a lifelong "science skeptic." He did not believe in consciousness, free will or the existence of a non-physical spirit. Trained in western medical school and surrounded by medical colleagues who are deeply invested in the materialism view of the universe, Dr. Alexander believed that so-called "consciousness" was only an illusion created by the biochemical functioning of the brain.

This is a view held by virtually all of today's mainstream scientists, including physicists like Stephen Hawking who say that human beings are nothing more than "biological robots" with no consciousness and no free will.

Dr. Alexander would have held this view to his own death bed had it not been for his experiencing an event so bizarre and miraculous that it defies all conventional scientific explanation: Dr. Alexander "died" for seven days and experienced a vivid journey into the afterlife. He then returned to his physical body, experienced a miraculous healing, and went on to write the book "Proof of Heaven."

E.coli infection eats his brain.
It all started when e.coli bacteria infected Dr. Alexander's spinal fluid and outer cerebrum. The e.coli began to literally eat his brain away, and he went into an extremely violent fit of seizures, verbal outbursts and muscular spasms before lapsing into a brain-dead coma.

In this coma, he showed zero higher brain activity and was only kept alive via a respirator and IV fluids. The attending physicians soon concluded that Dr. Alexander would die within a matter of days, and that even if he lived, he would be a non-functioning "vegetable" with limited brain function. Statistically, the death rate for patients with e.coli infections of the brain is 97%.

But here's the real shocker in all this: Rather than experiencing nothingness during these seven earth-days of unconsciousness, Dr. Alexander found himself "awakening" from the dream of his earthly life, suddenly experiencing an incomprehensibly vast expansion of his consciousness in the afterlife.

This experience is described in more detail in his book Proof of Heaven but here are the highlights:

• The experience of the afterlife was so "real" and expansive that the experience of living as a human on Earth seemed like an artificial dream by comparison.

• There was no time dimension in the afterlife. Time did not "flow" as it does in our universe. An instant could seem like eternity, and consciousness could move through what we perceive to be time without effort. (This idea that all time exists simultaneously has enormous implications in understanding the nature of free will and the multiverse, along with the apparent flow of time experienced by our consciousness in this realm.)

• The fabric of the afterlife was pure LOVE. Love dominated the afterlife to such a huge degree that the overall presence of evil was infinitesimally small.

• In the afterlife, all communication was telepathic. There was no need for spoken words, nor even any separation between the self and everything else happening around you.

• The moment you asked a question in your mind, the answers were immediately apparent in breathtaking depth and detail. There was no "unknown" and the mere asking of a question was instantly accompanied by the appearance of its answers.

• There also exists a literal Hell, which was described by Dr. Alexander as a place buried underground, with gnarled tree roots and demonic faces and never-ending torment. Dr. Alexander was rescued from this place by angelic beings and transported to Heaven.

God acknowledges the existence
of the multivers -multiverse |ˈməltiˌvərs|noun
                an infinite realm of being or potential being of which the universe is regarded as a part or instance.

The passage of "Proof of Heaven" I found most interesting is found on page 48, where Dr. Alexander says:

Through the Orb, [God] told me that there is not one universe but many -- in fact, more than I could conceive -- but that love lay at the center of them all. Evil was present in all the other universes as well, but only in the tiniest trace amounts. Evil was necessary because without it free will was impossible, and without free will there could be no growth -- no forward movement, no chance for us to become what God longed for us to be. Horrible and all-powerful as evil sometimes seemed to be in a world like ours, in the larger picture love was overwhelmingly dominant, and it would ultimately be triumphant.

This passage struck an important cord with me, as I have long believed our universe was created by the Creator as just one of an infinite number of other universes, each with variations on life and the laws of physics. (Click here to read my writings on the Higgs Boson particle, consciousness and the multiverse).

What Dr. Alexander's quote confirms is that our life on planet Earth is a "test" of personal growth, and that the way to make progress in this test is to overcome evil while spreading love and compassion.

Even more, this passage also confirms the existence of free will and even helps answer the question I'm often asking myself: "Why are we placed here in a world of such evil and surrounded by ignorance, darkness and deception?" The answer appears to be that Earth is a testing ground for souls that have been selected by the Creator for the ultimate test of good versus evil.

Earth as a testing ground.

Although "Proof of Heaven" doesn't go as far as I'm explaining here, my working theory is that our planet Earth is among the highest evil-infested realms in the grand multiverse. Only the most courageous souls agree to come to Earth by being born into human bodies and stripped of their memories.

From there, the challenge of life is multi-faceted:

1) Figure out WHO you are and WHY you are here.
2) Learn to recognize and overcome EVIL (tyranny, slavery, oppression, Big Government, etc.).
3) Learn to spread love, compassion, healing and knowledge.

Upon our death, we are judged by a higher power, and that judgment takes into account our performance in these areas. Did we achieve a measure of self-awareness? Did we work to overcome evil? Did we express love and compassion and help uplift others with knowledge and awareness?

As you've probably already figured out, the vast majority of humans fail these tests. They die as bitter, selfish, substance-addicted, greed-driven minions of evil who mistakenly thought they were winning the game of life while, in reality, they were losing the far more important test of the Creator.

The most important part about living a human life is not acquiring money, or fame, or power over others but rather achieving a high "score" in this simulation known as "life" by resisting evil, spreading love and expanding awareness of that which is true.

For those who respect life, who practice humility and self awareness, who seek to spread knowledge and wisdom while resisting tyranny, oppression, ignorance and evil, their souls will, I believe, be selected for special tasks in the greater multiverse. That's the "real" existence. This Earthly life is only a dream-like simulation where your soul interfaces with the crude biology of our planet for a very short time span that's actually the blink of an eye in the larger picture.

In reality, you are much more than your body. In fact, your soul is infinitely more aware, intelligent and creative than what can be experienced or expressed through the brain of a human. Trying to experience the full reality of what you are through the limited physical brain matter of a human being is a lot like trying to teach an insect to compose music like Mozart.


The multiverse is teeming with intelligent life, including multidimensional beings.

Dr. Alexander's journey also confirms the existence of intelligent life far beyond Earth. As he explains in Proof of Heaven:

I saw the abundance of life throughout the countless universes, including some whose intelligence was advanced far beyond that of humanity. I saw that there are countless higher dimensions, but that the only way to know these dimensions is to enter and experience them directly. They cannot be known, or understood, from lower dimensional space. From those higher worlds one could access any time or place in our world.

This not only confirms the existence of other intelligent civilizations throughout our known universe, but more importantly the existence of multidimensional beings who can come and go from our realm as they please.

Throughout the cultures of the world, there are countless accounts of advanced beings visiting Earth, transferring technology to ancient Earth civilizations, and possibly even interbreeding with early humans. Even the very basis of Christianity begins with the idea that an omnipresent multidimensional being (God) can intervene at will, and can therefore transcend time and space.

Alternative researchers like David Icke  also talk about multidimensional beings visiting Earth and infecting the planet with great evil. According to Icke, the globalist controllers of our planet are literally reptilian shape-shifters who have invaded our world for the purpose of controlling and enslaving humanity. Although nothing like this is covered in Dr. Alexander's book, it is not inconsistent with what Dr. Alexander was told by God during his coma... Namely, that there are multidimensional realities, that certain high-vibration beings can traverse those realities at will, and that Earth is infested with a great evil with the specific purpose of testing our character.

If all this sounds a little too spooky for you, consider the words of the Bible itself: An upright talking reptilian snake spoke in audible words to Adam and Even in the Garden of Eden, did it not?



The science skeptics are wrong. (again)

Regardless of what you might think about multidimensional beings, intelligent life beyond Earth, and the existence of great evil on our planet, there's one aspect of all this that's crystal clear: The science skeptics are dead wrong.

Science "skeptics" are actually misnamed. They aren't skeptical at all. They simply follow their own religion with its own sacred beliefs that cannot be questioned... ever! Those beliefs include the utter worship of the materialistic view of the universe. Simultaneously, so-called "skeptics" do not believe they are conscious beings themselves because they believe consciousness is merely an "artifact" of biochemical brain function.

There is no afterlife, they insist. There is no mind-body medicine, the placebo effect is useless, and there's no such thing as premonition, remote viewing or psychic phenomena. Oh yes, and they also insist that injecting yourself with mercury, MSG and formaldehyde via vaccines is actually good for you, that fluoride chemicals are good for the public health and that we should all eat more GMOs, pesticides and synthetic chemicals.

It's no surprise these religious cult members of the "scientism" cult don't believe in an afterlife. That's what allows them to commit genocidal crimes against the human race today via GMOs, experimental medicine, toxic vaccines and other deadly pursuits. In their view, humans have no souls so killing them is of no consequence.

As Dr. Alexander says,

Certain members of the scientific community, who are pledged to the materialistic worldview, have insisted again and again that science and spirituality cannot coexist. They are mistaken.

Well of course they are. The "science skeptics" are dead wrong about almost everything they claim to advocate. But their biggest mistake of all is in denying the existence of their own souls. Needless to say, they are all going to fail the human experience simulation once they pass on and face judgment. My, what a surprise that will be for those sad souls when they day arrives...

I would hate to face God one day after having lived a life of a science skeptic, and then have God ask the question: "You doubted ME?" How could anyone take a look at the world around them and not see the signs of an intelligent Creator? Even the very laws of physics have been tweaked and fine-tuned in precisely the right balance so that our universe itself can support the formation of stars, and planets, and carbon-based life forms. This is called the "Goldilocks Enigma," and there's a wonderful book by that same name written by Paul Davies.

No biochemical explanation for Dr. Alexander's experience!


For those skeptics who may be reading this, Dr. Alexander goes through nine possible biochemical hypotheses for his experiences and then meticulously and scientifically dismisses them all one by one. The result? His experience was REAL. In fact, it was "more real" than life as a human being.

Remember, Dr. Alexander is a neurosurgeon. This guy knows the physical brain like no one else. The nine medical explanations he considers and dismisses as possible causes for his experience are:

1) Primitive brainstem program.
2) Distorted recall of memories from the limbic system.
3) Endogenous glutamate blockade with excitotoxicity.
4) DMT dump.
5) Isolated preservation of cortical regions of the brain.
6) Loss of inhibitory neurons leading to highly levels of activity among excitatory neuronal networks to generate an apparent "ultra-reality."
7) Activation of thalamus, basal ganglia and brainstorm to create a hyper-reality experience.
8) Reboot phenomenon.
9) Unusual memory generation through archaic visual pathways.


Dr. Alexander may be the most credible afterlife witness in the history of humanity.


Dr. Alexander's experience (and subsequent book) is arguably the best-documented case of the afterlife that exists in western science today. The fact that a vivid, hyper-real afterlife was experienced by a science skeptic materialistic brain surgeon who didn't believe in the afterlife -- and who subsequently found the courage to document his experiences and publish them in a book -- adds irrefutable credibility to the experience.

This was not some kook seeking fame on a TV show. In fact, his writing this book earned him endless ridicule from his former "scientific" colleagues. There was every reason to NOT write this book. Only by the grace of God was Dr. Alexander healed of his e.coli infection, restored to normal brain function, and granted the VISION of the afterlife so that he could return to this realm and attempt to put it into words.

Personally, I believe Dr. Alexander, and his experience mirrors that of countless others, across every culture, who have reported similar NDEs (Near Death Experiences). There is life after life, and the shift in consciousness of Earthlings that is required to take our species to a higher level of understanding begins, I believe, with embracing the truth of the immortality of our own souls (and the existence of a grand Creator).


What does it all mean?

Dr. Alexander's spiritual journey gives us a wealth of information that can help provide meaning and purpose in our daily lives.

For starters, it means that all our actions are recorded in the cosmos and that there are no secrets in the larger scope of things. You cannot secretly screw somebody over here on Earth and think it won't be recorded on your soul forever. It also means that all our actions will be accounted for in the afterlife. If this message sounds familiar, that's because an identical idea is the pillar of every major world religion, including Christianity.

It also means there are people living today on this planet whose souls will literally burn in eternal Hell. There are others whose souls, like Dr. Alexander, will be lifted into Heaven and shown a greater reality. What we choose to do with our lives each and every day determines which path our souls will take after the passing of our physical bodies.

What matters, then, is not whether you actually succeed in defeating evil here on Earth, but rather the nature of your character that emerges from all the challenges and tribulations you face. This is all a test, get it? That's why life seems to suck sometimes. It's not a panacea; it's a testing ground for the most courageous souls of all -- those who wish to enter the realm of great evil and hope they can rise above it before the end of their human lifespan.

Read more of my writings on such topics at www.DivinityNow.com <http://www.DivinityNow.com>

And check out more from Dr. Alexander at www.LifeBeyondDeath.net <http://www.LifeBeyondDeath.net>

Learn more:  http://www.naturalnews.com/037917_Proof_of_Heaven_afterlife_Creator.html#ixzz2CB0tBtYF





November 2012

Commercial for Pencils - Unbelievable!!

This is a commercial . . . But it’s very frightening.  It’s not real footage.  

A very interesting commercial for – can you believe it – about pencils!!!

This "viral" video which circulates via Youtube, social networks and email, appears at first glance to show a man standing on a beach near the water's edge suddenly taken and eaten by a killer whale.

However, fear not, the video is not real footage of a killer whale attack on a human and the man was not actually eaten. In fact, the video is a TV advertisement for La Sirena, a chain of retail stores located in the Dominican Republic. The ad copy at the end of the video reads "No todos los lapices dan suerte solo el lapiz la suerte de La Sirena" which, translated to English means "Not all pencils give you luck, just the pencil "La Suerte" from la Sirena".

The strange talk of pencils may seem a little baffling. However, it apparently makes reference to La Sirena's previously aired "Lucky Pencil" promotion. The Lucky Pencil was a character created by the company as a Back To School promotional campaign. The promotion claimed that you can "learn the whole world" with "The Pencil of Luck" and gave people the chance of winning prizes such as laptops or trips away.

Thus, the Killer Whale ad is apparently just a part of this "Lucky Pencil" promotional campaign.



12/16/2011

Why Email Was Invented

December 2011

Down-Home Chemist

Kitchen chemist trying to make 

some fun for Halloween . . . Not quite!!

Just toooo funny.

The only people that make mistakes and screw up, 

are the ones that are doing something.  

Case in  point.....this clip!   

Thank goodness he wasn’t hurt!

November 2011

What Do You Use Oil For?

Oil is not used just for energy . . .

So says this really cool commercial.

November 2011

Two Funny Songs

“If My Nose Was Running Money”

"Two Roosters Don't Make A Chicken"

This is a husband & wife team 
- Lewis & Lewis -
They preformed at a church recently.
A group from California had a lawsuit 
against them because of this song.
But.... they're still singing it!!   

Wild Animals Caught On Video -

Pretty funny -  Just like YOUR family!!

Wyoming Pole Dancer!

Awesome Pool Party

September 2012

Videos of Practical Jokes

"Pink Elephants"

September 2011

"Get Him"

This must be some show in maybe Russia?
Some wacko guy going around being mean to people . . . 

Ok, I have to admit . . . It’s funny!

November 2011

You Will Watch This Twice

Magician’s trick . . . How DO they do that?!?

WOMEN - AS EXPLAINED BY MALE ENGINEERS............

Part II

Part III 

Part IV 

Part V

And Finally!
Have you ever wondered how a woman's  brain works?
Well....it's finally explained here in one,  easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought  about something

that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that  needs to be solved.

A man has only 2 balls and they rule all his  thoughts.

September 2010