Saturday, December 15, 2012

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
 
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
 
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside  back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull out.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

May 2007

Age and Cunning . . .


Will Overcome Youth and Technology Anytime.
  
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.  The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.  The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun –
"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.  He wakes the senior up and asks,  "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.


January - 2012

Friday, December 14, 2012

Because I am "The Mom Song"

To All the Fellow Mommies out there you have to view
this if you haven't already.  It is too funny but yet
something we can all relate to.  This lady that put
this song together is quite talented to be able to
roll it all together so humorously and in tune at the
same time.
Here's to a good chuckle

What a Mom Says in 24 Hours 
condensed to 3 minutes

October 2007


Someone else singing the same version of
"The Mom Song' - with lyrics.
I personally love the original - above - the  best!




Monday, December 10, 2012

15 Fabulous Christmas Trees

From December 2011

Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree
The tradition of lighting the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree
in New York began in 1933.
These days, the lighting ceremony is an NBC-TV special
that makes the tree a worldwide celebrity.
The 74-foot-tall Norway spruce was illuminated by 30,000 lights 
during a ceremony that featured performances by Neil Diamond,
Cee Lo Green and Carole King.
The tree is decorated with five miles of lights,
which will be on until Jan. 7.
After that, it will be turned into lumber
for the housing charity Habitat for Humanity.


 Rio de Janeiro

Rio de Janeiro boasts a Christmas tree
that made it into Guinness World Records. 
The largest floating Christmas tree is more than 278 feet tall 
and was erected in Rodrigo de Freitas Lagoon. 
Construction on this year's artificial tree began in September. 
It requires 1,200 people to assemble it and take it down. 
It will be lit up with 3.3 million micro-lamps 
and 2,100 strobe lights every evening until Jan. 6.



National Christmas Tree, Washington, D.C. 
If you wanted to attend this year’s National Christmas Tree Lighting
in Washington, D.C., you would have had to get lucky. 
An online lottery doled out tickets to only 17,000 people. 
President Barack Obama and his family lit the 26-foot tree 
in front of the White House on Dec. 1, 
accompanied by celebrities such as TV and radio personality 
Carson Daly and musical performer will.i.am. 






Dortmund, Germany



This tree is 45 meters tall (how many feet is that?) and towers over
the Christmas market in Dortmund, Germany. 
Look closely and you’ll see that it’s made of 17,000 individual spruce trees 
illuminated with 40,000 LED lights and 20 large candles. 

Branson, Mo. 
Branson, Mo., boasts a tree like no other.
It is five stories tall, built of steel and LED 
lights, and plays Christmas carols. 
The tree was illuminated on Nov. 4 and will remain up at the 
Silver Dollar City theme park in Branson until Dec. 30. 




Scottsdale, Ariz.


The Fairmont Scottsdale Princess resort in Scottsdale 
has a four-story Christmas tree with 65,000 LED 
lights that blink to 10 holiday songs. 
Visitors can check out the synchronized lighting 
and music show every evening from 6-9:30 p.m. 
The tree dazzles during the day, too, with hundreds 
of mirrored stars and a 5-foot tree topper.



San Francisco


 San Francisco’s 80-foot fir tree, a gift from Macy’s to the city, 
uses 21,000 LED lights to brighten up Union Square. 
This year’s lighting ceremony included a performance 
by figure skater Johnny Weir, a three-time U.S. champion, 
two-time Olympian and world medalist.



Lansing, Mich.


Lansing illuminated its Christmas tree on Nov. 18, 
accompanied by an electric light parade 
and fireworks over the state capitol building.
This year’s beauty is 61 feet tall and was harvested from Houghton Lake, Mich.
It’s quite the sparkler, too, with 3,500 LED lights.



London

London’s St. Pancras International Station 
is home to a Christmas tree built entirely from Lego bricks. 
The tree, which took two months to build, features 600,000 Lego bricks 
and more than 1,000 Lego baubles.


Chicago



 The 55-foot Colorado spruce that Chicagoans lit up at Daley Plaza
the day before Thanksgiving has an auspicious past.
The Spangler family of Western Springs, Ill.,
decided the giant beauty in their yard was too close to their house,
so they entered their tree into Chicago’s annual tree contest.
Over the years, the Spanglers say the tree 
was used as a fort for the kids when they were younger,
a source of shade and a landmark for people trying to find their house.

Copperopolis, Calif.
In its day, Copperopolis produced 72 million pounds of copper, 
supplying the red-orange metal to make bullets for the Civil War. 
The town is also known as the place where Mark Twain wrote 
“The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.” 
In another claim to fame, the town is a registered 
California historical landmark. 
Soak in the history and tip your hat to its 40-foot white fir,

which sparkles with more than 1,000 lights.


Coeur d'Alene Resort
Coeur d’Alene Resort in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, 
has an impressively tall living Christmas tree, 
a grand fir decorated with more than 30,000 LED lights. 
At 161 feet, it rises to more than twice the height of New York’s 
famous Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. 
The tree is the focal point of the resort’s annual on-the-water light 
show featuring more than 1.5 million lights.


Aspen, Colo. 
The historic Sardy House in Aspen was built in 1892 
by J.W. (three-fingered Jack) Atkinson, vice president of the 
Little Annie Mining Company and former Pitkin County sheriff.
Operated as a bed and breakfast since 1986, 
the building is under new ownership this year. 
John and Selene Devaney are pulling out all the stops 
with their landmark living Christmas tree. 
This year’s lighting ceremony upgrades the light bulbs to LED nodes 
and triples the number of lights from 3,000 to 10,000. 
The many-colored lights can create animations 
such as cascading rainbows and fireworks.





 Portland, Ore.

Portland lit its Christmas tree in Pioneer Courthouse Square on Nov. 27, 
accompanied by the city’s own Pink Martini band 
and members of the Oregon Symphony and Pacific Youth Choir. 
The 75-foot-tall Douglas fir was donated by Stimson Lumber Co. 
and grown on sustainable forest lands near Gaston, Ore. 
This year, the tree has 14,000 new LED lights.



The Plaza Hotel, New York

The Plaza Hotel in New York City has unveiled a new 18-foot artificial tree
that is the centerpiece of its Fifth Avenue foyer. 
The Betsey Johnson-designed, Eloise-themed Christmas tree 
is inspired by the precocious heroine of 
Kay Thompson’s 1955 classic book, "Eloise."

Christmas Lights From Around the World

Madrid, Spain
People walk under the Puerta del Sol Square's 
Christmas tree lights on Nov. 27, 2011, in Madrid, Spain. 
Streets of the capital are decorated with lights every year 
ahead of Christmas celebrations, but this season Madrid 
used the same lights due to the nation's economic crisis.


Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
The lights of the world's biggest floating Christmas tree are turned on 
Nov. 26 at the Lagoa Rodrigo de Freitas in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 
The tree is 278 feet tall and is lit by 3.3 million light bulbs.



New York, NY
The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree is lit Nov. 30 in New York.   
Watch as our cameras capture the intricate process that transforms 
and illuminates a 12-ton Christmas tree in New York City’s Rockefeller Plaza.


A house is decorated with Christmas lights Dec. 1 in a street in the village of Calle, 
near the northern German town of Bremen. The sign reads: Merry Christmas.



Sofia, Bulgaria
A woman takes picture in front of a Christmas tree Dec. 1 
during a lighting ceremony in downtown Sofia, Bulgaria.



Kobe, Japan

Some 70,000 people look at the "Kobe Luminarie" illumination 
Dec. 1 at a shopping mall in Kobe, Hyogo prefecture, western Japan. 
The annual light festival, which began in 1995 to boost the spirits of locals 
who experienced the Kobe earthquake in January 1995, 
or the 'Great Hanshin Earthquake' as it is known in Japan, 
will continue through Dec. 12.







 Brea, Calif.
Brothers Beckman, 3, Preston, 6, and Westley Giang, 5, from left, 
are transfixed as holiday lights are switched on Nov. 27 
for the first time this season at their house in Brea, Calif. 
Homeowners in the Eagle Hills neighborhood of Brea 
began decorating for the season in earnest.






Paris, France

Christmas lights in the shape of the Eiffel Tower shine near the real thing 
(in the background) 
Nov. 27 on the Rue Saint Charles in Paris.




London, England

Shoppers walk beneath Christmas lights Nov. 27 
on South Moulton Street in London, England.



 Prague, Czech Republic
A man blows his trumpet from the Old Town Hall Tower as a 
Christmas tree is illuminated Nov. 26 at the Old Town Square in Prague.




Vienna, Austria
Christmas lights illuminate Vienna's city centre Am Graben on Nov. 24.
























Berlin, Germany
Vehicles drive along a festively illuminated Kurfuerstendamm on Nov. 22 in Berlin.



From December 2011