Thursday, July 29, 2021
Thursday, July 15, 2021
One Students Insights On Being "Political Correct"
This young man - Brad Taylor - his thoughts on his school district,
Rosemount high school in Rosemount, MN.
THE UNIVERSE - MIND BOGGLING!
It really shows how insignificant
we are in relation to the universe.
But we DO still really, really count!
Thursday, June 3, 2021
Too Many Puns and a Groaner or Two!! These Are Really Good!!
She was just a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself that's the last thing I need.
Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason, details are sketchy.
People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Whatever you do, always give 100% - unless you're donating blood
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic.
What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.
A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron.” The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive.”
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because,” he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.”
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man! This is so bad, it's good!) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself that's the last thing I need.
Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason, details are sketchy.
People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Whatever you do, always give 100% - unless you're donating blood
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic.
What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.
A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron.” The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive.”
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because,” he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.”
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man! This is so bad, it's good!) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Okay, you can stop groaning now!
Monday, May 31, 2021
"Reflections on Pearl Harbor"
John Guy writes: "What God did at Pearl Harbor that day is interesting and I never knew this little bit of history.
Tour boats ferry people out to the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii every thirty minutes. We just missed a ferry and had to wait thirty minutes. I went into a small gift shop to kill time.
In the gift shop, I purchased a small book entitled, "Reflections on Pearl Harbor" by Admiral Chester Nimitz.
Sunday, December 7th, 1941— Admiral Chester Nimitz was attending a concert in Washington, DC. He was paged and told there was a phone call for him. When he answered the phone, it was President Franklin Delano Roosevelt on the phone.
He told Admiral Nimitz that he (Nimitz) would now be the Commander of the Pacific Fleet. Admiral Nimitz flew to Hawaii to assume command of the Pacific Fleet. He landed at Pearl Harbor on Christmas Eve, 1941. There was such a spirit of despair, dejection and defeat--you would have thought the Japanese had already won the war.
On Christmas Day, 1941, Adm. Nimitz was given a boat tour of the destruction wrought on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese. Big sunken battleships and navy vessels cluttered the waters everywhere you looked. As the tour boat returned to dock, the young helmsman of the boat asked, "Well Admiral, what do you think after seeing all this destruction?"
Admiral Nimitz's reply shocked everyone within the sound of his voice. Admiral Nimitz said, "The Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack force could ever make, or God was taking care of America. Which do you think it was?"
Shocked and surprised, the young helmsman asked, "What do mean by saying the Japanese made the three biggest mistakes an attack force ever made?
Nimitz explained:
Mistake number one:
The Japanese attacked on Sunday morning. Nine out of every ten crewmen of those ships were ashore on leave. If those same ships had been lured to sea and been sunk--we would have lost 38,000 men instead of 3,800.
Mistake number two:
When the Japanese saw all those battleships lined in a row, they got so carried away sinking those battleships, they never once bombed our dry docks opposite those ships. If they had destroyed our dry docks, we would have had to tow every one of those ships to America to be repaired. As it is now, the ships are in shallow water and can be raised. One tug can pull them over to the dry docks, and we can have them repaired and at sea by the time we could have towed them to America. And I already have crews ashore anxious to man those ships.
When the Japanese saw all those battleships lined in a row, they got so carried away sinking those battleships, they never once bombed our dry docks opposite those ships. If they had destroyed our dry docks, we would have had to tow every one of those ships to America to be repaired. As it is now, the ships are in shallow water and can be raised. One tug can pull them over to the dry docks, and we can have them repaired and at sea by the time we could have towed them to America. And I already have crews ashore anxious to man those ships.
Mistake number three:
Every drop of fuel in the Pacific theater of war is in top of the ground storage tanks five miles away over that hill. One attack plane could have strafed those tanks and destroyed our fuel supply.
That's why I say the Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack force could make or, God was taking care of America.
I've never forgotten what I read in that little book. It is still an inspiration as I reflect upon it. In jest, I might suggest that because Admiral Nimitz was a Texan, born and raised in Fredericksburg, Texas -- he was a born optimist.
But any way you look at it -- Admiral Nimitz was able to see a silver lining in a situation and circumstance where everyone else saw only despair and defeatism.
President Roosevelt had chosen the right man for the right job. We desperately needed a leader that could see silver lining in the midst of the clouds of dejection, despair and defeat.
There is a reason that our national motto is, IN GOD WE TRUST.
Why have we forgotten? PRAY FOR OUR COUNTRY! IN GOD WE TRUST."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)