A Bit Of Humor

I WAS DRINKING AT A BAR SO I TOOK A BUS HOME. THAT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE
A BIG DEAL TO YOU, BUT I'VE NEVER DRIVEN A BUS BEFORE.


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I THOUGHT GETTING OLDER WOULD TAKE LONGER.


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A WISE MAN ONCE SAID NOTHING.


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RESPECT YOUR ELDERS; THEY GRADUATED SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.


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I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD; I'M 25 PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.


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WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL; WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.


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BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.


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INSTEAD OF "SINGLE" AS A MARITAL STATUS I PREFER "INDEPENDENTLY OWNED AND OPERATED".


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PATIENCE: WHAT YOU HAVE WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES.


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LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.


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VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN'T HUNT, FISH OR LIGHT FIRES!


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IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.


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MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.


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SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID. AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.


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CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.


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IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.