Our Silver Years

My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness and I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, "Close enough."


Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.


I'm a multitasker. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time


Retirement to do list: Wake up. - I Nailed it!


People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point.
The glass is refillable.


Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.


I don't trip, I do random gravity checks.


One minute you're young and fun. Next, you're turning down the car stereo to see better.


Some people are like clouds, once they disappear it's a beautiful day.


Some people you're glad to see coming; some people you're glad to see going.


Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.


I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what's going on.


If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.


I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.


I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.


I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented . . . I forgot where I was going with this.


Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.


It's weird being the same age as those old people.


When I was a kid, I wanted to be older . . . This is not what I expected.


Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter either.


It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.


Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So, remember... don't sing!


I see people my age mountain climbing. I feel good just getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.


We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story anyway.

Every American Needs To Hear This Speech - You Want To Succeed in School - You'll Have To Earn It

If every high school principal said this,

it would change students' lives and would change America. 

So what exactly should every high school principal say?

Script:

If every high school principal gave the following speech, America would be a much better place.
To the students and faculty of our high school:
I am your new principal, and honored to be so. There is no greater calling than to teach young people. I would like to apprise you of some important changes coming to our school.

First, this school will no longer honor race or ethnicity. I could not care less if you are black, brown, red, yellow or white. I could not care less if your origins are African, European, Latin American or Asian, or if your ancestors arrived here on the Mayflower or on slave ships.

The only identity this school will recognize is your individual identity—your character, your scholarship, your humanity. And the only national identity this school will recognize is American. This is an American public school, and American public schools were created to make better Americans.

If you wish to affirm here an ethnic or racial identity—or a national identity other than American —you will have to attend another school. This includes after-school clubs. I will not authorize clubs that divide students based on identities such as race, ethnicity, sexual orientation or whatever else may become in vogue in our society. Those clubs cultivate narcissism—an unhealthy preoccupation with the self—while the purpose of education is to get you to think beyond yourself.
This school’s clubs will be based on interests and passions—clubs that transport you to the wonders and glories of art, music, astronomy, languages you do not already speak, and more. If the only extracurricular activities you can imagine being interested in are those based on ethnicity, race or sexual identity, that means that little outside of yourself really interests you.

Second, I do not care whether English is your native language. My only interest in terms of language is that you leave this school speaking and writing English as fluently as possible. The English language has united America’s citizens for over 200 years, and it will unite us at this school. Furthermore, I would be remiss in my duty to ensure that you will be prepared to successfully compete in the job market, if you leave this school without excellent English-language skills. We will learn other languages here—it’s deplorable that most Americans only speak English—but if you want classes taught in your native language rather than in English, this is not the right school for you.
Third, because I regard learning as a sacred endeavor, everything in this school will reflect learning’s elevated status. This means, among other things, that you and your teachers will dress accordingly. There will be a dress code at this school.

And you will address all teachers by their title, not by their first name. They are your teachers, not your pals.

BRAND NEW HAT!!!! Cute Video With Jay Leno

 

Good Things Happen While The World Struggles

 

Seniors Have Some Perks, But Life Isn't Always Easy!!

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. 

I don't have to go to school or work. 

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad. 

I don't have a curfew. 

I have a driver's license and my own car.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne.

Life is great. 

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. 

People get out of the way much faster now.
I didn't make it to the gym today. 

That makes five years in a row. 

I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". 

I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. 

Now it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is... 

. . . . "I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".

I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! 

I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, 

He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. 

We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. 

Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?