Seniors Have Some Perks, But Life Isn't Always Easy!!

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. 

I don't have to go to school or work. 

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad. 

I don't have a curfew. 

I have a driver's license and my own car.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne.

Life is great. 

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. 

People get out of the way much faster now.
I didn't make it to the gym today. 

That makes five years in a row. 

I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". 

I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. 

Now it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is... 

. . . . "I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".

I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! 

I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, 

He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. 

We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. 

Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?